Christmas Tree Ornaments

Dec 2008

I've got one of those Christmas Trees that if you know the story behind every ornament, you would know a great deal about my personal history. Every time I hang a particular moment, I flash back to the girl I was the first time it hung from my tree.

There's the set of ornaments my mother's best friend made for our family when I was eight or so. We had just left Daddy and somehow he'd gotten (and tossed) the main box of Christmas ornaments. Those ornaments were such a loving gesture to our little fractured family.

Because of my birthday being so close to Christmas, I've got several birthday gift ones. People would buy because something about that ornament reminded them of me. Mom bought me several when I first left home that bring back those first Christmases that I was proudly "on my own."

There's a series from the trees I shared with my first love in that little apartment in upstate New York. We had made those... we took matchboxes and wrapped them up with leftover wrapping paper and ribbons. We also collected a bunch of pine cones along a trail the spray-painted them gold. Only a few of these are left but they make it up every year while I remember just how merry he used to make Christmas for me.

For years, my best friend, who now lives in Minnesota, and I would make ornaments as hostess gifts. Some turned out really great but its the goofy ones that I smile at the most as I think about how much I miss her.

Of course, there's the collection of "Baby's First Christmas" and school made ornaments that make me marvel out fast time really is flying.

The hardest ornaments to hang though are the ones collected with the kids' dad when we were first married. They are absolutely beautiful ones we purchased on our many travels with the idea of always remembering how wonderful that trip was.

Its been a few years since I purchased or made a new ornament. I've been thinking about why. I suspect its tied to my feelings that my ornament collection represents my desire to have an object that symbolizes where I am in my life... and for the last couple of Christmases have not been joyful like they were in the past. And there could be a part of me that didn't want to archive the woman I've been those holidays. Or maybe I felt like I didn't know how to... who knows.

But today, after school, the kids and I are going to go pick us out a couple of new ornaments. Its time the collection was expanded.

It's time that I embrace where I am in my life. Its time to find joy in it again.