My Third Child

from 3/11/08

Now that the weather has warmed up I am now am taking longer walks with my mutt. She is about 3 years old... rescued her as a puppy and she is essentially my third child.

Not that I wanted a dog child, she was a gift to my daughter. But she quickly identified who was in charge of the "pack"... so, I now have a third child. In many ways, this one will forever be a toddler though in terms of how she relates to me.

For example, today, given the ability to take longer walks and no ice on the path, we went to our favorite walking spot. Its in my neighborhood, a looping path that winds for about a mile and quarter around a creek. Its only about quarter of mile stroll from my house.

Once I get there, I'll let her off her leash. And just like my both my children were when they were toddlers... she'll enjoy her "freedom" by running ahead 15 to 20 feet. But as soon as she reaches that distant, she'll look around to make sure I'm still there.

And just like my kids, if I crouch down, hold out my arms and call out her name... she'll come running back for some "love". But I confess, I much prefer a chubby 2 year old wrapping their arms around me and kissing me to a dog's tongue!

During today's walk, I felt like I was passing ghosts of my past. I live in a "family neighborhood." Every home either has children in it or the adults in it are trying to get pregnant.

Walking past me was a pregnant woman in her late 20s. She had on "maternity" work out gear. Which cracks me up... a definite first time mother. She had on a headset as well. I'd bet money it was a pregancy book on tape. That was SO ME! It wasn't until second kid that I realized I could wear my husband's sweatpants rather then fancy maternity ones.

Also out and about were a couple of mommies pushing their strollers talking up a storm. Made me instantly recall how much I treasured those walks with my "mommy friends." We had all met in a post-partum exercise class. All of us had left thriving careers to be a full time Mommy. And all of us were going insane. We clung to each other in this new phase of our lives. I'm still friends with them!

Then the bus must have dropped off kindergartners and there were the mothers walking with their 5 year olds and their 3 year old siblings. The kids were wandering all of the place, looking at things growing and or finding some treasure to show their mommy. Back when that was me, I had just gone back to work part-time for a new agency that allowed me to work from home. But I end my day at noon, the time my preschooler and kindergartner were done with school. I'd get anything left undone after their dad came home. So this was my reconnection time. I was still very much "addicted" to my children. After 4 hours of no contact, I was ready for it.

I also passed many women who were now in the same phase as myself. Their babies are now busy with school from 8 until 3PM, so we now have new "babies" that don't sit in a stroller but on the end of the leash.

As I walked back in the house, is my "maternal instincts" basically going to be need to fed until they go away with onset of menopause? Or will dogs be my replacement until my children have children for me to nurture?