Self Made Victims

From 1/17/08

Without a doubt, bad things happen that no one could see coming. There are predators and/or selfish people among us who count on the ability to gain your trust only to betray it to get what they need. And hurt you in the end.

But how many times are we self-made victims of these people is my question of the day.

Surely you know what I mean, you'll hear a girlfriend whining about a guy who did the exact same thing the last one did to her. Or the guy who EVERY last girflriend/wife was a total selfish bitch. Or the person that every job sucks because no one appreciates them there?

Looking at my life, I believe I'm guilty of this.

There was a time when I got knocked on my ass emotionally by someone. I never saw it coming. I knew something was off, but had no idea just how much. Luckily, even though situation ended quite painfully, I dodged a much bigger bullet had it continued.

For a long time, I wrestled with "Why?" What had happened was just so far out of my realm understanding. Usually I can find a way to get my mind around WHY a negative choice made sense to THEM even though it hurt me. I racked my brain to make sense of it to no avail.

Also, I had a host of fears that I somehow caused it too.

Time passed, many other situations came and went. Then one day a new one appeared. Almost right out of the gate, there were things happening that happened last time.

But instead of removing myself as one might do, I dug in deeper! And, while some of the details are different with different motivations, the end result was the same. I got knocked my ass again for the same basic reason.

Was I a victim both times? I say: Absolutely not. First time, yes. Second time, it was all me baby. But so many people can't see they are now making themselves a victim.

Remember that movie, Ground Hog Day? Bill Murray is stuck living the same day over and over again until he gets it right.

That's what I think self-made victims are unknowingly trying to do. Relive that same situation over and over again until it becomes what they wanted. Or that they understand why it happened. Or maybe even to learn that it wasn't their fault the first time, they really did nothing to deserve it.

They are now going through the same pain over and over again but not knowing they can stop it. Yes, a really, really awful thing happened one time to them.

But now they are the ones allowing it to keep happening because of their choices. I have some friends who I strongly believe are now ONLY attracted to situations that look and feel like that bad one. It gets so bad, that if its a GOOD situation, that doesn't feel right.

There are a couple of people I know that I suspect that they believe that they don't deserve to be in a good situation. They have a deeply distorted and negative self image. Or if something feels good and right, they run from that because they don't trust it. They know on a level going in, its not right so they are not totally shocked and disappointed when that is the case. What they want to avoid is every believing with all their heart, they are in a good place now, then it blowing up again.

But this is just my theory. Do you have any situations in your life that you can see are your own personal Ground Hog Day?