Happily Ever After

Last spring, I read Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Many friends had recommended it as this book outlined one woman’s passion for dining, spiritual growth and romantic love. Three topics near and dear to my own heart.

I devoured the “Eat” section and focused my culinary pursuits in the direction of Italy.

I sighed through the “Love” section, making all sorts of personal wishes.

But it was so hard to get through the “Pray” section, despite my love of Eastern philosophy and religions.

Ironically, it is a quote from that tedious section that has stuck with me, a year later. The main character was lamenting the loss of a lover from her life. She was convinced he was The One. Her soul mate. Another character’s response startled me. He said:

"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. "

This made me reassess just what a “soul mate” truly was. And if this character was correct, it made me sad to recognize that your soul mate isn’t supposed to be a life partner. You experience both the giddy high of finding him... Then the profound low of losing him.

Indeed, this is the total opposite of what we learn growing up. The happily ever after doesn’t result in marching off into the sunset with The One.

It happens when you march off alone.