Love, With a Capital L

Recently, I read something that truly resonated with me. The author divided love into two categories. There is love (lower case) and then there is Love (upper case).

The lower case love is marked by conditions and limitations. If either changes, so does the level of love felt. This is still a genuine type of love that goes beyond mere infatuation.

On the other hand, “Love, provides space, endurance, acceptance, patience and comprehension. It does so in a way which is limitless, timeless, neverending, everlasting and continuous.”

Personally, I have given and received both Love and love. However, it is when you’re able to feel Love for another person, that is an amazing gift to yourself. You are filled with a positive energy that just makes life sweeter — regardless if it is returned. Needing the love returned in order to feel it, is indeed a condition. Which makes it love, rather than Love.

I remember the first time I felt Love for a non-family member. The object of my affection and my paths crossed in first grade on the first day of school, standing in a school cafeteria line for the first time as well. Given all those firsts, I was both nervous and excited with my little tray. Determined to make sure I did everything exactly the way the teacher explained.

My concentration was broken when the boy behind me flicked some peas on to the ground. The teacher sternly asked, “Who just threw those peas?”

To my horror, the boy pointed his finger at me and said I had done it. My face grew hot, my chest constricted so tightly, I couldn’t get out the words of denial. That’s when my angel came to the rescue. With one hand on her hip and the other pointing at the true offender, Amy said with such authority, “She didn’t do it, that boy did it.”

Right then and there, I was smitten. Amy and I were the closest of friends for the next five years. Monday through Friday, we sat next to each other in class and at lunch. We’d passed each other notes in class, played together at recess and walk home together after school. We were in complete agreement that Fonzie from Happy Days would make the perfect boyfriend when we were old enough to have boyfriends. (Little did we know the better choice was Richie Cunningham!) We both loved Donny Osmond and wore purple socks to show our devotion. We co-authored songs for him. This cemented my Love for her.

At the end of fifth grade, my mother’s fiancé decided to open up a car dealership in his hometown in Ohio. She figured it would be best to have us switch schools during the summer break. Unfortunately, my step-father got cold feet and dumped her before the summer ended. (He later regretted it and a couple of years later, they reconciled and married.)

As sad as my mother was, I was thrilled to be going back to Dallas. Not only because my dad lived there but also because of Amy. Unfortunately, Mom couldn’t get her job back at the same suburban newspaper, but her boss was able to get her a position at another suburban daily. However, it was on the other side of the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex. Which meant in terms of my relationship with Amy, I might as well have still lived in Ohio.

My sixth grade year was minus a best friend as all the girls in my new elementary school were all paired up. Luckily, when we made the jump to middle school, the dynamic changed and I had a brand new best friend. I did not Love her, but was very fond. Rachel and I bonded, among other things, over our mutual crush on the 8th grade history teacher and football coach. (He was dreamy.)

Because of this crush, we went to every football game. And it was during the play-offs that Rachel and I loyally attended to support our oblivious crush that I ran into Amy again. Our school was playing her school. Rachel and I were giggling about how cute boys’ butts look in the football tights as we walked to the concession stand. Right there in line was Amy with her friends.

I was filled with joy. At long last, my beloved friend! And how fitting that our reunion was once again while we were both waiting in line for food?

I excitedly ran up to her, thrilled with the coincidence and convinced that this meant we’d pick up where we left off. I’d have TWO best friends. Instead of meeting a happy smile, there was only a blank stare. Apparently, three semesters and two summer breaks wiped our bond from her memory. For a split second I wonder if I had the wrong girl. But when she confirmed she was Amy, I was even more confused. How can this be?

A couple more times in high school, when we were both doing the pep squad thing, our paths would cross. But I didn’t bother to do more than smile. Of course, it stung to realize that what I had felt hadn’t been returned. But it didn’t diminish the Love I felt. It was a heartfelt smile of joy to see her every time. I just recognized that that was all it was now.

And it truly doesn't matter... the warm wave of Love I feel when I recall her is glorious. That is the real power of Love. The relationship may not last forever, but the good feelings do.