Worth the Price

Nov 2008

The other day while driving an old familiar Eagles song started playing. Its a song I've heard so many times that I no longer listen to the words even though I'm singing along at the top of my lungs. (Remember, if you can't sing well, sing loud.)

It was "Lying Eyes", you know, that sad song about a woman who decided to marry for security but ends up lonely. She ends up cheating on her husband. Anyway, it was this line that I don't believe I ever really understood:

"I guess every form of refuge has its price."

Such a true statement on so many levels if I think about it. The immediate thought that came to my mind is the safe place I created for myself and my children. They have a security I never had as a child. I can't imagine trying to mother them in the circumstances in which I was mothered. But there is indeed a price I pay for this refuge.

Now I'm lucky, when it comes to motherhood, it is a price I can afford and I value the worth I get in return.

On the other hand, I remember my kids' paternal grandmother, may she rest in peace. She greatly resented what she paid for her safe place. To hear her talk, the price she paid was too great and the value too little.

Until the day she died, she would talk about how life had ripped her off. Bitterness was her ruling emotion. In fact, I believe she went and sabotaged her refuge with it. It was no longer a safe place for her children. Her sons are all good men, but every last one is damaged one way or another.

What I never understood was how come she didn't realize that there was actually a return policy? Of course, it might not have been full credit. And what she wanted might come at a greater price, but it was always a choice. She just couldn't see it and felt trapped and miserable.