Mean Girls

From Old Blog, 08/07/07:

This morning I’m writing offline as I’m having my coffee in the gazebo which is too far to get a signal. Everyone is still asleep... Lake is completely still. A very peaceful start to my day.

Which is good as it will be a travel day. We are leaving Maine but stopping in NYC because its the halfway mark and to have dinner with another friend of mine tonight.

Yesterday was indeed a lot of fun. I picked up my daughter from her camp and took her back to my friends’ place where ended up spending the entire day pretty much on the lake. I had forgotten how beautiful Maine really is. I grew up in the south, but my entire father’s side of the family is in Maine (further North though than where I am this trip.)

My daughter is thriving at camp. She is so proud that she has past her boater’s test and risen a level in her riding. I could see with my own eyes she has made several friends so my fear of her being lonely is gone. When I returned her to camp, she gave me lots of hugs, but she was clearly ok with us leaving.

She did confide that she had a little “incident” with another girl in her cabin. I was not surprised, I remembered meeting the little girl first day of camp and had a feeling about her. She had that confidence that was either bravado or security. If it was all bravado to mask a hidden insecurity, in my experience, that little girl is going to say and do mean things.

And she proved it when there had been a mix up about our visiting day. My daughter had been thinking it was Saturday we were coming. So there she is feeling sad as the visiting hours are ending and we aren’t there. And this little girl starts taunting her about it. Calling her a liar and that we weren’t coming at all. She made my baby cry.

Which my first reaction is, given I know what’s going on, is to pull that little girl aside and make her cry. Not only to tell her to keep her mouth shut until she actually has some useful and true information, but point out that her parents dropped her at camp for the entire summer and is not visiting her once.... And her parents are geographically closer. Considering what a hateful little girl she, I wouldn’t want to waste time visiting her either. (Mama Lion: Roar)

Of course, I don’t do any such thing. I realized in same breath that this little girl’s meanness is a result of the above. She is one of those people.

In my experience, there are two directions a person can go when feeling sad/hurt/angry and are faced with the option of either making another person feel good/better or making them feel just as bad or worse than you. So I explained to my daughter about these kind of people. Next time someone says anything ugly or hurtful on purpose its because that’s what they are feeling on the inside. Most likely, far worse than you are feeling. Pity these people, but don’t let their words affect you because vast majority of time, its simply not true.

It was cool to see my daughter “get it.” She pointed out that the mean girl didn’t get mail either as opposed to her getting it 1-2 letters a day from her family and friends. When I dropped her off that girl was there and I could see her seeing the mean girl with new eyes. Better yet, I knew that mean girl no longer had the same kind of power to hurt my girl the same way again. Hopefully, my daughter will remember this the next time she meets a mean girl. Puberty will be so much smoother if she can!